Birthday Post: Talking About My Insecurities & Birthday Wish

This is probably the toughest post I’ve written… toughest as in made me cry, caused anxiety, triggered depression episodes, each time I tried writing this post. Hence I’ve been avoiding to complete it since November! But anyway, I decided to write this post for my birthday (today is my birthday 😀 )… to talk about my insecurities, to reflect on how far I’ve come & how far I’ve to go… and mainly to help anyone who feels alone, helping them with struggle by being their company and maybe helping me too in the process.

I’m sorry if these insecurities seem absolutely negligible in front of yours but these are what I am battling with & it’s been tough to manage them. And I’m sorry if this post seems all about me me me me… but I needed to reflect on these insecurities & finally talk about them publicly which I usually don’t so actually I’m not sorry! I am proud of myself for doing this and making myself, my issues important.

Ankita Bardhan, Talking About My Insecurities and Birthday Wish, Insecurities, insecurity, self image, self conscious, self confident, love yourself, how to fight insecurity, minimal outfit, white tee blue jeans, body confidence, body positivity, gain confidence, body image, real talk, girls talk, Real Girl Talks

Photography – Swapnil & Ashok | Conceptualization, makeup and styling – Ankita Bardhan

My Nose

It’s funny how I never had this insecurity until I got into print modeling. Quite a few times, my coordinators told me that maybe I should consider rhinoplasty and it’s a procedure almost everyone in industry gets done. I used to confidently reply to them “if everyone in industry gets it done then maybe industry needs to start accepting this natural & common occurring feature. And maybe not set unnatural beauty standard?” I didn’t show it to them but I became very conscious of my nose & still am to this date. It’s strange how a feature I didn’t even think about years ago, is a huge insecurity now cos’ few people pointed it out! But I won’t give in, I strive to be as confident as I portray & even more!

My Chubby Cheeks

Ok now this is something I had a love-hate relationship with since my teenager days! Some days I just love my chubby cheeks, on other days especially while taking pictures or shooting videos, I hate it! Chubby cheeks can be bit tricky to work with! You need help of angles to make it work you know. No matter how many people pull my cheeks that time I am gonna be mad at my chubby cheeks lol!

My Smile

Another insecurity I developed in my teen years yayyy! I get very conscious with my smile. I don’t smile how you see in pictures, my real smile is big, wide, showing all my teeth. Somehow I started feeling my teeth protrude a bit outside, making my smile not perfect. So I’d always do a pose-y smile for camera. This insecurity grew to the point I went to my dentist to get braces but he looked at me confused saying “Don’t think you need it, you’re thinking too much about it!” Hence, I am starting to try to accept my smile the way it is. I’d smile showing my teeth during shoot these days. But I never had the courage to post any of them unlike today, where I’m posting a test click & show you all my real/natural smile!

 

Ankita Bardhan, Talking About My Insecurities and Birthday Wish, Insecurities, insecurity, self image, self conscious, self confident, love yourself, how to fight insecurity, minimal outfit, white tee blue jeans, body confidence, body positivity, gain confidence, body image, real talk, girls talk, Real Girl Talks
One of the rare picture where I flashed my genuine smile to camera 😀

My Weight Issues

Might surprise a few, but I have always struggled with weight since teenage days! I put on weight & loose weight very easily, reason ~ I get bloated a lot! Some days people will try to feed me cos’ I look skinny & some days I get told to go on a diet cos my belly looks preggos! I have tried to manage my bloating issues but nothing really helps, not even healthy eating!

But I’ve started to accept my weight/bloating issues especially since I once casually talked about it & I realized it’s way common with women these days! Unlike before I used to think it’s just me. Knowing it’s common, helped me being okay with it. This is why I always urge people to talk about their insecurities, you never know you might find someone going through same. And sometimes knowing you’re not alone helps!

My Dressing Style

I got picked on my style when I was young & naive… I mean I still am but now I know better. I was inclined towards minimalist & athleisure way before it became a trend mainly cos’ I love comfort dressing! When I started blogging, statement jewelry, statement this, statement that were having a major moment. I tried the trend but I just couldn’t do it. So a group fashion bloggers I was becoming friends with gave an “advice” that I don’t dress or look like a fashion blogger. And should consider getting more preppy style & statement pieces! I even got a lot of hate for not doing so. Won’t lie it did affect me for some time but now I’ve no f*cks to give. I like my style the way it is, I don’t want to box myself in norms. I wrote a detailed post about it, in case you wanna read.

Never Fitting In

As I was growing up I realized I don’t really fit in…nah not saying this to sound “edgy” cos’ tbh it really s*cks when you don’t fit in any group, age bracket, persona etc. I have never felt like I belong here or there, I somehow will relate to few things and will fall out strongly at other points. I never fitted in with people of my age but kinda with people either way younger than me or way older than me. Never fitted in any particular style, I usually observe & try to pick up what I feel is best part of different styles and it actually applies to almost everything. I guess I am a mixture of everything, but aren’t we all like that?

I am a sweet & happy-go-lucky person but I also am blunt, savage jokester & straight-forward. I’d start blurting out deep realistic sh*t that will burst your bubble (but you need to know) in midst of a very happy happy talk! But sadly, no matter how much people say they love honesty, straight forwardness, they usually hate listening to honest opinions and especially from some one who’s sweet for some reason or so I’ve been told. Hence, I rarely show my straight forward side and be nice sweet girl people can handle.

Ankita Bardhan, Talking About My Insecurities and Birthday Wish, Insecurities, insecurity, self image, self conscious, self confident, love yourself, how to fight insecurity, minimal outfit, white tee blue jeans, body confidence, body positivity, gain confidence, body image, real talk, girls talk, Real Girl Talks

Photography – Swapnil & Ashok | Conceptualization, makeup and styling – Ankita Bardhan

And this leads to me getting mentally drained next day, I mean I will talk you like best friends one day, have a great bond & I might love you too but I’d need a break from the exhausting efforts put to not show my complete self. People might say I am fake but I am just taking my time to open up, until I see you can handle cos’ let’s be honest, people get offended way too easily and I am not looking for any drama! Meeting me at first you might think “oh she’s an extrovert, she’s makes friends with everyone like a social butterfly”! But nah.. I am as much reserved as much of a social person I am. Plus since I absolutely hate texting with a burning passion, it becomes extremely hard to make friends in this technology depending generation.

Guilt Of Leaving So-Called Friends Behind & End Up Having No Friends

People don’t believe me when I say I’ve no friends but that’s the truth. It’s not like I never had friends, I did… but the people I considered friends left me alone when I went through major setback in life. While I’ve always been there for them, even fought my parents for them. Then there are some friends who really did help me during tough times and I forever will be grateful for that. But they always mocked my dreams, belittled my ambitions. I tried being friends with them even if they did me dirty just cos’ they helped me. But it was too toxic for me, they were tearing me apart & whatever I believed in! So yeah I had to cut them off. Till this date I still sometimes feel guilty & feel they might think I used them only when I needed them. But they were disrespecting me by mocking my dreams even after telling them to stop, so I had to make a choice.

And there was a time I made a lot of friends on social media and used to give a hell lot of crap about them. But later I realized a) people will like you until when you agree with anything they say and not call their bs out. b) a lot will be friends with you only till you’re kinda famous on social media & that some way or other benefits them. Basically nobody cares until it helps their agendas. c) people fake A HELL LOT on social media, most importantly d) go away for a while and nobody will give two sh*ts about your existence! Some might for few days but later on naahh.. Out of sight, out of mind is quite literal there. It’s easy to replace one account you’re close to with another new account. So it’s best to not get attached, trust me I learned it the hard way.

Fear Of Ending Up Alone

Like I mentioned above, right now I have no friends. To be real with you, I am okay with being alone, enjoying alone etc. After being in abusive & one-sided relationships and having s*cky friendships, I’ve become a person who would rather be alone than have unnecessary drama in life. It’s not like I don’t want to make friends or have a happy relationship, it’s just I haven’t met the right people, my kinda people yet! I know what I bring to the table so I kinda expect same energy & vibe. I’ll find my ride or dies soon!

Sounds good right? Buuttt human mind is a complex b*tch & that’s how I get f*cked up! I fear what if I never meet the right ones? What if I end up alone in life? What if I am just an odd one out so I rather should settle with whatever I get even if I’m not happy? These thoughts really scare me at times. Plus being a blogger I spend more time on my blog & everything around it, I barely get time to breathe let alone socializing with people! And many times I find myself in a strange situation where I am always been imagining how it will be to have my kinda people around! Sweet friendships and even more sweeter relationships, you know? Sometimes I catch myself being stuck in these dreams and imagining it to be real life! Don’t know if I should cringe or pity at myself!

Guess it just means, I am ok with being a lone wolf but for a while, not forever. Maybe this is why I can relate to Chandler (from F.R.I.E.N.D.S.) and his fears a lot!

Fear Of Being Too Late To Start

I’ve no shame in admitting that I’ve always been a late bloomer. Though I kind of have accepted it, my competitive self keeps feeling like I am lagging behind immensely. Sometimes when I look around me, it feels like I am the only one who’s left behind. Plus this fast paced life doesn’t really help. I mean seeing people like in their teens or are like 20-21 doing incredible things, achieving all their dreams, making records, changing history & making new goals & achieving them too!

No sh*t I am really really happy for them but

….it does make me question what am I even doing in life?! Kind of makes me feel like a loser at times you know. Not jealous of them but I just feel bit little in front of them! It makes me feel maybe I am too late to even try chasing my dreams now! Maybe I am out of time, should have tried few years ago..should have a settled career, relationship by now but I am no where close to it! Plus the naysayers keep saying “if you were to succeed or make your dreams a reality, you’d have done it by now. So it’s better if you find a practical job, instead of chasing your dreams.” This all makes you feel like a failure,you know.

Wish I didn’t feel this way but heck! But that doesn’t mean I will give up on me or my dreams! I mean yes.. I too get worried if I will succeed or not. And trust me I tried being that practical minded person, who chooses an instant revenue generating job… but it’s just not me (if you are like that, by all means do you boo). Chasing my dreams even in little ways I possibly can, imagining my dreams turn into reality ~ these are the only things that makes me truly happy! I have lived all my life trying to make others happy, hyping them up & helping others out of my way.. but this time I want to do it all for myself!

Ankita Bardhan, Talking About My Insecurities and Birthday Wish, Insecurities, insecurity, self image, self conscious, self confident, love yourself, how to fight insecurity, minimal outfit, white tee blue jeans, body confidence, body positivity, gain confidence, body image, real talk, girls talk, Real Girl Talks, aesthetic pictures

Photography – Swapnil & Ashok | Conceptualization, makeup and styling – Ankita Bardhan

So… that was it.. for now lol. I wrote this long a$$ article to help me and anyone else who’s going through the same & feels alone in this! Nope you aren’t alone, feel free to reach to me in case you need someone to talk to. I might be bad at texting back but I’ll be there for you! Will be really glad if not help, at least be your partner in this hell called insecurity land! Also, for this birthday I wish to become more confident & less conscious of my appearance, so from today I am gonna start writing down positive affirmations for me & read them daily. Let’s hope it works and I’ll get back to you with the report!

If you read it all till here, you are the MVP and I love & appreciate you so so much! :* Thank you so much for always sending me your love, support & kind words, it means a lot to me!

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Photography – Swapnil & Ashok | Conceptualization, makeup and styling – Ankita Bardhan

 

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xx

Ankita <3

89 Replies to
Birthday Post: Talking About My Insecurities & Birthday Wish

  1. Just know you’re not alone… so many of us are going through our own battles.
    You’re beautiful just the way you are! Happy Birthday!!!

    http://www.fashionradi.com

    1. Thank you so much! Feels nice to know at least some people read and understand the message behind this post! I hope whatever battle you’re going through, you come out of it stronger & happier! 🙂

  2. Kanchan Negi says: Reply

    Happy birthday Ankita..

    1. Thank you Kanchan 🙂

  3. wow this post is so brave to open up about,
    I really have much respect for you for doing that!
    It kind got me really sad that a beautiful girl like you really
    has some insecurities like that, you look absolutely stunning!
    But girls always are very insecure in general, I know it from myself…
    Thank you for sharing that! Was very interesting to read!
    We can only accept who we are and get stronger with time.
    x Eva
    http://nicovabeauty.com

    1. Thank you so much Eva for your kind words, these words really do help me during tough days. I agree we girls usually are very insecure and I felt the only way to get free from these insecurities would be to openly talk about! And yes that is what I am aiming for, getting stronger with time! I hope you’re having an amazing day sweetie and thank you once again! 🙂

  4. Wish you a very happy birthday Ankita. Hope you had fun.
    This was a brave post. I have been following you on twitter for a while and have read a few of your blogs. I was even part of one of your long tweet chain about 2 years back, the one you deleted.
    You are a strong level headed girl and its okay if other do not understand you. In case you ever need someone to talk to, reach out.
    Be you,
    The world will adjust.
    – Abyss

    1. Yes I remember you Abyss and thank you for being there through my journey! Tweet chain from 2 years back haa… wow you practically saw me emotionally growing up haha! And thank you so much for always listening and being kind, I am not always the strong confident level headed girl that you all see, like you can see here I too struggle! But yes I do aspire to be stronger and better, hence wrote this post so I can accept myself! 🙂

  5. Beautiful post <3

    My last post: https://goo.gl/5HTm5d

  6. You’re very brave for opening up about your insecurities. We all have them and it’s just a matter of how we choose to deal with them. You are beautiful in your own way and don’t you ever forget that. And never stop chasing your dreams 🙂

    1. Thank you Rowena, I chose to open up about my insecurities so I can finally deal with them & embrace myself rather than letting it silently eat me from inside! And I am so glad I did, your kind words are really helpful! And yes, I can’t afford to not chase my dreams, that’s all I have!

  7. Kathrine Eldridge says: Reply

    Thank you for this honest post! You are such a beautiful woman – inside and out. We all have insecurities but we need to remember we all are gifts from God. I struggle as well so you are not alone. Happy Birthday Ankita!

    https://www.kathrineeldridge.com

    1. Thank you so much Kathrine! Yes you’re absolutely right, having faith and believing we are gifts of God is a great thing to remind yourself daily, especially when you’re struggling! Thank you once again!

  8. Thanks so much for the post.Really thank you for writing this post! People may call insecurities regarding looks as first world problems but it is still a problem which believe it or not many people face. But rarely anyone talks about these insecurities, for the fear of being labelled. Great on you that you talked about it openly. Takes a lot of courage. You’re not alone, we all have some or other insecurities. I too even struggle with some you mentioned here.
    xx

    1. Wow! I am absolutely touched reading your comment, Jane! Thank you SO MUCH for writing this comment, you have no idea how much strength it gave to me!! I actually was afraid that people might roll eyes at my insecurities thinking it’s a first world problem or is irrelevant! I am amazed and sad that someone understands exactly what I feel, I wish you didn’t get bugged by the insecurities you have! I really do hope whatever insecurities are bothering you, leave you & stop making you feel this way, you deserve all the happiness!

  9. First, Happy Birthday!! I’m just visiting your blog for the first time. I was so intrigued by your post because I often wonder, Do others have as many insecurities as I do? I look at everyone else and I then I look at myself and I think … I have to fix A, B, C, D….. Many of the things you talked about I have issues with too. I guess I am not alone and you certainly aren’t either. I often look back and think why didn’t I do something back when I was 20. That really gets me. I just try and do the things that make me happy today and I have to work really hard not to focus on my weight, the fine lines under my eyes, and all other little things that I’m insecure about.

    The photography in this post is absolutely gorgeous! Thank you so much for sharing.

    Janine XO

    1. I can spiritually relate to every single word you wrote here Janine! It’s just sad how we find everyone we pass by as beautiful, gorgeous beings but when we look at ourselves, all we think I need to fix this or that! I really do wish you get over all your insecurities, you’re too beautiful to be hurt my these thoughts, you deserve all the love & happiness! Thank you so much for leaving your kind words, it means a lot to me!

      1. I guess we just all have insecurities and we can’t see ourselves the way the other do. I used to freak out when I heard my voice recorded too. I would just cringe. LOL – I guess we are only human, right? =) Hope you had an amazing birthday!

  10. Hadasah Love | Style To Love says: Reply

    Hi sweetie,
    Hope you´ve had a happy birthday!
    So glad I got to check this, thank you so much for sharing!
    Love, Hadasah
    http://www.styletolove.com

  11. Happy Birthda y to you !
    You can’t be too hard with yourself !
    And I think your nose has nothing bad ! I can’t believe peoples told you that !
    And I also hate my chuby cheeks.
    xx,
    Margot
    https://troughthepasturesofthesky.com/

    1. Oh no Margot, please don’t hate your chubby cheeks, I know how you exactly feel but please don’t! You look so beautiful and those chubby cheeks are gorgeous features of yours! Thank you so much and yes, I am slowly learning to stop being hard on myself 🙂

  12. Hey girl! I feel ya! reading your post I noticed how much we have in common, so many same things that we are insicure about. But I think that you just need to get through it, learn to love your self, becoming better every day, and every day finde things on yourself that you love.
    and have the happiest birthday ever 😀

    1. I so wish you didn’t have the same insecurities, it’s a pain to hate the features you’re given! But I really do pray that you and I get over these insecurities soon and learn to find things we love about ourselves daily! I hope we both become confident & self loving! And thank you so much for the birthday wishes! 🙂

  13. Elegant Duchess says: Reply

    This is so incredibly courageous to speak up about insecurities and just by doing so you have shown what a strong and beautiful person you are. We all have less or more insecurities and I can certainly relate to getting new securities only because someone criticised something about me look or personality. Nowadays I just try to think that you can’t please everyone and just ignore negativity around me.

    P.s. you are incredibly beautiful, you really have no reasons to feel insecure. 😘💞💖

    http://www.elegantduchess.com

    1. Thank you soo much! This post was written with a hope that it will help me in embracing myself and I hope someday I can feel as beautiful as you all see me 🙂 I absolutely can’t get how do people even dare to criticize someone about their looks! I am sorry that you encountered such an experience, you really don’t deserve that, nobody does! I wish those nasty words don’t ever pull you down, you’re a gorgeous woman!

  14. Happiest of birthdays, Ankita!! You deserve one with only happiness and smiles.
    I think we all feel these things especially when we are younger. For some reason we think we should be “perfect” whatever that is. But you are unique and that is the best thing ever! Sure, I can see where some plastic surgery is helpful when people have huge malformations, but you are so gorgeous. And I love your big smile. Mine is the exact same way. I feel like it takes us my entire face. Yet, that makes others smile too!!
    I hope you can start embracing all of your fabulous features. Seriously, when I look back at my old photos when I was your age, I wonder why I was so hard on myself???
    XOXO
    Jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com

    1. Thank you so so SO much Jodie! You have no idea how much your words mean to me, how much they are comforting me right now! You’re right, we all the time try to portray a perfect image which really doesn’t exist but we all still run behind it! Hearing you, I think I must embrace myself & feel good, I don’t want to look back and think why was I so hard on myself! I don’t want to make my life about my insecurities, thank you so much for sharing your kind words! 🙂

  15. busyandfab says: Reply

    Happy birthday pretty girl! You have a unique beauty and I’m glad that you didn’t give in to change your looks. There’s nothing wrong to vent your insecurities and worries, we all do that at some point in our lives. I like your pictures, you look naturally beautiful.

    http://www.busyandfab.com

    1. Thank you so much for your encouraging! I really needed to vent out to get over these insecurities. And must say, you’re one of the women whom I always admired whenever I visited their blog!

  16. Miki (@mikialamode) says: Reply

    Don’t be too hard on yourself girl. You dont have to feel alone. Many of us have our own insecurities. Funny thing is what we dislike about ourselves are often reason people love us.
    You are beautiful and being unique is a true blessing. 🙂 Focus on all the positive things about yourself. Have a wonderful week and thanks for sharing!

    xo,
    Miki
    http://mikialamode.com

    1. Thank you Miki! You’re right I should focus on positive things about me more 🙂
      Wishing you an amazing week!

  17. Jane Fitfabfun says: Reply

    Happy Birthday! You are beautiful inside and out!
    xo, Jane
    http://www.fitfabfunmom.com

  18. Amanda at Filipinow.com says: Reply

    Happy bday Ankita!
    People who bash are usually insecure.
    Just repay their nasty comments with a smile.

    Filipinow | The Modern Pinay’s Nipa Hut of Beauty

    My Nose Job Story

    1. You’re right Amanda, smile is the best reply to such comments! And thank you!

  19. Rach DiMare says: Reply

    First of all, Happy birthday!!!! And also, keep your head up girl. Embrace who you are and all your uniqueness. Those are the things that make you great. And surround yourself by people who are there for you. Totally understandable about the fear of being alone, but you also don’t want to be around people who bring you down constantly. Just know things will get better.

    http://www.rdsobsessions.com

  20. Hey apparently my birthday is just a day before yours! If its not too late (probably is) – (Belated) HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    Talking about these anxieties or insecurities, Me and you, we both kinda have the same, I won’t say insecurities but I guess, we’re kinda on the same page.

    I used to be insecure about my appearance and weight but gradually, I learnt how to live with it and improvising my body (healthily) for a better cause – for myself and not for everyone else’s. Although, its still a W-I-P. Secondly, when it comes to friends, I can consider myself as the girl with no friends. Not close friends, I don’t. However, I decided that its better to try and make friends instead rather than waiting for that natural pull to swing by. If not, maybe just mingle around (if you’re comfortable doing so,

    I’m no expert but I was once in your state, but I tried to change i and here I am! I’m trying to show you that you CAN change these insecurities but according to your pace. No rush needed! Its tough to overcome but trust me you’ll feel a lot better if you overcome these insecurities and you feel much much more love to yourself in exchange!

    Much love! <3

  21. Girl, don’t be so harsh on yourself. You’re stunning!

    xxAmanda
    http://www.poiseinwings.com/

  22. I totally respect your honesty! You are such a beautiful girl with a beautiful smile.

    xx Simone
    Little Glittery Box

  23. You are BEAUTIFUL just the way you are! Don’t even listen to those bad comments about your look. Psalm 139:14 I will praise you; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are your works; and that my soul knows right well.
    KEEP SHINING!!! STAY FABULOUS!
    Have a great week!
    Much love, Len
    http://www.lenparent.com
    XO

  24. alimackin2013 says: Reply

    What an eye opening and interesting post, sounds like you have gone through some transitional times. I went through similar times. And if your friends were not there when you needed them to be they are not friends. You are probably better off and not sure why you would be self conscious about your smile, I would love to have your smile. I almost never smile in photos I HATE my smile, I hate everything about it. You should smile more your smile is very nice.

    Allie of ALLIENYC
    http://www.allienyc.com

  25. Mile High Dreamers says: Reply

    I love the honesty in this. It’s WAY too rare that people actually acknowledge their insecurities, which makes us think we’re alone in our own. It’s so comforting and actually motivating to hear someone else express so many of the things that I’ve thought/gone through or AM going through. This stuff is NORMAL! Thank you for being real, and happy birthday!

    Susie | http://milehighdreamers.com

  26. Monica Sors says: Reply

    Happy Birthday Ankita!! You are amazing
    xx
    Mónica Sors
    MES VOYAGES À PARIS
    NEW POST: TOUS DÍA DE LA MADRE

  27. LindaLibraLoca says: Reply

    I love your wide smile and your nose, but most of all I love your honesty and how brave you were in writing this post. Sharing your insecurities, be they about the body or the mind, is very difficult.
    Happy birthday to you, and may you get closer to defeating your insecurities with every passing day.

    Anne|Linda, Libra, Loca

  28. Happt birthday! I hope you had a great day you’re really brave writting all this and sharing your insecurities.
    xx
    La ilusión de Nina- http://lailusiondenina.blogspot.com.es/

  29. wondercottage says: Reply

    We all have insecurities. There’s not a single photo of me showing my teeth because I’ve never liked my teeth or my smile.
    Wonder Cottage

  30. you look amazing. dont change for anyone
    The Glossychic

  31. I’m so glad that you could be honest and share the things that you are really thinking and feeling – so inspirational, girl! Keep being authentic and genuine and just DO YOU! Our individuality is what makes it us so special and unique! Cheering you on and thanks so much for sharing!

    -Emily | http://www.East91Blog.com

  32. Susanne Bavinck Bender says: Reply

    Happy birthday babe!!! And I know for sure you’ll grow over those insecurities! Xx Susanne – http://bagatyou.com

  33. Girl, trust me when I saw you are stunning and beautiful! I’m sad you’re feeling all of these insecurities. I know they’re your own and it’s how you feel, but honestly, I can’t see any of them and I’m sure nobody else reading your blog does. Your nose is fine, it’s part of you, it’s symmetrical and it’s a good shape. Everyone getting a nose job doesn’t mean you have to. You don’t have chubby cheeks at all, trust me! Although I always had chubby cheeks as well, I grew out of it a lot as I got older. I struggle with weight too, but I decided it doesn’t matter. Being curvier and having a shape is much more suited to us. The thoughts on anxiety of friends and missing out etc, extremely normal, I think everyone has those thoughts, I still do and I’m 30 soon. From your photos, you ooze so much confidence and you look stunning, trust me. I don’t give out false information 🙂 Your smile is nice too, it’s infectious when people smile like that, so trust me, nobody is going to point anything out. The more confidence you have in yourself and the more you own who you are, negativity stops because you don’t look worried or unsure about who you are. People accept confidence and don’t tend to mock it 🙂

    Happy birthday!!

    Raindrops of Sapphire

  34. Thank you so much for sharing such a brave post! I very much relate to a lot of your insecurities and the struggles of overcoming them xx

    http://www.thatnewdress.com

  35. First of I want to wish you a happy birthday! Secondly I think that it is so brave of you to share your story with the internet. I love when bloggers get personal. We all have insecurity and I think that somewhere deep in our minds that we all are scared of ending up alone but you have nothing to worry about. You are such a beautiful girl and I bet that you have an amazing personality too!

    http://whatmakesmesmileblog.com/

  36. First off, happy birthday girl, although it’s already passed but it’s never too late! About your insecurities, just know everyone experiences them and in all different degrees. I think you’re gorgeous and absolutely don’t need to change anything about yourself no matter what anyone tells you. I think it’s especially difficult growing up in your 20s. I’m convinced your 20s are still your teen years since you’re still trying to figure yourself out and comparing yourself and hearing words certain words from people can create self-doubt. I’m already in my early 30s and have been learning to not sweat the small stuff and just embrace yourself for who you are, and for people who tell you otherwise, you just don’t even account their opinion. Anyways things will get better for you for sure!

  37. I think you look wonderful babe.
    Just forget about all the securities and be confident on what you have
    Happy bday too!

    Much Love, Jane | The Bandwagon Chic

  38. Happy belated Birthday beautiful! This post was so transparent and I think that a blog can be so therapeutic in that way, not only for yourself, but for so many others. We are all going through some type of battle and no one is perfect. I hope that in your new year you find peace within yourself and know that God created you to be just who you are. You are a beautiful girl and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Unfortunately when people point out what’s wrong with you, they are speaking of themselves. Remember that other people will try and put their insecurities onto you. Continue to seek confidence and strength this year.

    Oh and I’m so happy for you for getting rid of those lousy friends. God removed them from your life to make room for better ones.

    Xoxo
    http://www.stylemefancy.com

  39. First of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I wish you all the best in life.
    Now about insecurities. You shouldn’t be sorry. You are so brave that you talk about it and the last thing you should do is apologize. As I can imagine by reading this post you’ve been through a lot and you should be proud of who you are today.
    https://miss-uncover.blogspot.com

  40. Oh, sweetie how brave to put your fears and thoughts out there.

    I can relate to many things. I much rather stay on my own than wasting my precious time with people who are wasting my time lol. Also I’m a very direct person and as you say, people don’t like it. They simply can’t deal with it and over the years I have learned to just stay quiet rather than upsetting someone.

    Seriously, don’t worry about ending up alone because you won’t!

    And last but not least I can also relate very well to your insecurities about your nose as I’m having the same (and many others). I’m getting better though. However, I honestly can’t see what is ‘wrong’ with your nose?! What would you want to change about it? You are a beautiful girl inside and out (and as I’m a direct person, I wouldn’t say this just to please you. If I wouldn’t see you this way I would keep quiet… 😉

    Happy belated birthday xx

    http://www.ellemio.com

  41. …oh and I forgot to say, you look absolutely gorgeous when you are smiling!

  42. First of all happy birthday, fellow-Taurus! We’re only one day apart, I hope you had a great time! Secondly, you are not alone. We all feel insecure about ourselves and sometimes it is good to cut out toxic people from your life. I’ve done that many times and no matter how awkward it might feel, in the end you are doing it with good intentions. Why keep people around you, who only try to bring you down? Lastly, I only see a beautiful girl here and please don’t ever feel like you need to change in order to please someone, be a true beautiful self! xx

    Naya
    http://www.partyparrotblog.com

  43. Happy Birthday darling! I’m so sad to hear of your insecurities because you’re genuinely such a beautiful person, both inside and out. You’ve listed some brilliantly positive points in this post though, especially about never giving up on your dreams. Totally rooting for you babe! Hope this is your best year yet!! 🙂

    aglassofice.com x

  44. notjessfashion1 says: Reply

    Dear, you are soooo not alone! Ha! We all have them. Its different from person to person, yes, but it’s how you deal with it that matters. Anyway, Belated Happy Birthday! I love your photos, you look so pretty!

    Jessica | notjessfashion.com

  45. Valeria Chizhova says: Reply

    You have really beatiful smile! You should smile more often!
    https://leraseyo.blogspot.com

  46. As long as you are happy, fear of being alone is gone! I had so much problems with being alone,but I kept myself busy and always worked hard so I didn’t have time to think about that! Love this post!

    Mihaailo | mihaailo.blogspot.com

  47. dreamofadventures says: Reply

    Happy birthday and what a beautifully written post. Remember you are so beautiful xx

    https://dreamofadventures.com/

  48. Huge credit to you for posting this – I can completely see how difficult it would have been to write about your insecurities. I think a lot of us can relate to feeling similar sort of things but you WILL overcome them. You’re a truly beautiful lady!

    I also hope you had a fantastic birthday!

    Musings & More

  49. shireenplatt says: Reply

    YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Never ever everrrrr forget that. You are a stunning woman and you have the most beautiful smile. I think we are generally very critical of ourself and good on you for walking away from toxic people. I personally think it’s better to have no friends than having fake ones.

    Shireen⎜Reflection of Sanity

  50. Ann-Marie (@facetocurls) says: Reply

    Happy Birthday Beautiful! Please know how truly beautiful you are and no, I am not just saying that to be nice. You truly are. It’s okay to be critical of ourselves but always remember your self worth and being around negative people is not what you want. Love yourself for who you are because trust me, no one will. Remember you don’t need anyone to tell you you’re beautiful because you know you are already. Ann-Marie | http://facetocurls.com/

  51. I think you have a gorgeous smile! Well done for writing this, it must have been a pretty daunting one to write, but it’s such an important thing to share as I’m sure so many people can relate. I know exactly what you mean about not being aware of something until it’s pointed out – my dentist once pointed out the gap in my teeth which was something I’d never even noticed before and now I hate it!
    Amy xx
    callmeamy.co.uk

  52. Funny how people pointing up something to you can make you notice it for the first time, right? We all have insecurities, it’s normal. In addition, we’ll all human beings, we’re social creatures and no person is an island, so it is normal that comments like that get to us, even when we know better, when we know we shouldn’t let such comments get to us….we’re all human, we all have insecurities. My insecurities aren’t related to my physical appearance, but that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. I’m extremely self-critical, nothing I ever do is ever good enough for me.

    Friendship is a complex thing. People take it too casual these days. You’re right that Internet is a place where -out of sight, out of mind- applies. People forget you really quickly. I always think it’s better to be by ourselves than be with toxic people or just people who aren’t a good match for us. When we became a better person, we attract better people….better to wait for real friends than to waste time on people who don’t care about us or on those we don’t care about. One needs balance in a friendship.

    I think that the young people are under so much pressure to realize their dreams/career as soon as possible. We live in an instant time, and it makes us feel like we’re a failure if we don’t achieve our goals right away…but the truth is that everything takes time. A lot of successful people went through tough periods….We need to be less hard on ourselves.

  53. First up, happy birthday! Secondly, what a powerful post. I am truly amazed by the fact that you are unhappy with your nose, what’s wrong with it? I honestly can’t find a fault, but my own nose! Oh boy that’s a different story, I want a rhinoplasty for my dorsal bump haha. Also, I relate with you on the chubby cheek bit, and the smile bit. When I go home from uni I plan on seeing a dentist to ask what they can do – I’ve already had braces but I feel that isn’t enough. Anyways, you are gorgeous the way you are, flaunt it!

    Have a great week!

    Amy; Wandering Everywhere

  54. Silvia Negretti says: Reply

    Happy birthday, sweetie!
    You’ve been very strong admitting your insecurities publicly, but you know? I think we all are in the same boat!^^
    Nobody is perfect but everyone would be!
    So don’t worry too much about what you think are your flaws, you look very pretty!
    XO
    S
    https://s-fashion-avenue.blogspot.it/

  55. Happy Belated Birthday and thanks for the bday wish from the earlier which you comment on my post.
    Please know how truly beautiful you are, Love yourself for who you are, as you are unique! As long as you are happy, no need to care the toxic people to do with you.

    Hope you had a fab bday!
    Kiu xx

    http://www.lipstickvoyage.com/en/

  56. districtofchic1 says: Reply

    You look beautiful darling! You have nothing to be insecure about!

    District of Chic

  57. You are so beautiful, I love your smile. When I was younger I used to be self conscious about my smile, but I became more confident with it as I got older. You only have one smile. I really appreciate you sharing your reservations with yourself it takes a lot of bravery.

    x,
    S | Je M’appelle Chanel

  58. Francesca Romana Capizzi says: Reply

    I am sure you will overcome your insecurities . I can read it in your words . You are beautiful inside and outside, don’t let anybody tell you otherwise !
    https://www.dontcallmefashionblogger.com

  59. You’re absolutely gorgeous!! All the things you point out as an insecurity are actually beautiful points to you!! Stunning stunning you! We’re all unique and those points are what make us best. I used to be insecure about a lot of things, but I realised that the things that bothered me were actually the things that made me unique and stand out. We should never lose those things or feel bad about them. But, make them shine!! xx

  60. Beautiful pictures! We all have insecurities and 99% of the time nobody else even notices them!
    Have a lovely day 🙂
    Rosanna x

  61. Great post! You have a great style because it’s unique to you! Gemma x
    http://www.jacquardflower.uk

  62. lovelyamusan says: Reply

    So many of us are own demons to battle with, you are gorgeous the way you are babe!

    xoxo
    Lovely
    http://www.mynameislovely.com

  63. allisonwdunn says: Reply

    Love this post! You are so brave for opening up and being so vulnerable. It really shows you are not alone! I think the true testament to growing older and wiser is recognizing and LOVING your flaws! You are beautiful inside and out!

    xo, Allie
    http://www.champagne-tuesdays.com

  64. You are so brave for sharing your insecurities, lady- we all have ’em, and you are beautiful!

    -Ashley
    Le Stylo Rouge

  65. I could totally relate to you! People had been “suggesting” that I should get a nose job or a boob job or both. And then there’s also anxiety comes from fear of not fitting in or too late for something. But when I go to that state, I just breath deeply and say “F**k It!” repeatedly until I feel better XD Anyway, Happy Birthday! Wishing you all the best and happiness 🙂

    xx Alyssa | STYLE VANITY

  66. Carmen Jenny says: Reply

    Aaw first of all: HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY my dear! This post is so so inspiring and I can feel you in so many of these points. I think it’s so important to talk about those insecurities not only to get along with them yourself but also to motivate others and show them their not alone. Amazing words dear!
    xx, Carmen – https://carmitive.com

  67. But girl, you look so beautiful! It must be hard to be in modelling industry where people kind of shoving it in your face to get a surgery so you’ll fit the ‘standard beauty’ better and I applaud your courage to not cave into the pressure.

    And happy belated birthday!

    nurulrasya.com

  68. Whitneys Wonderland says: Reply

    My lovely I remember when I was your age and although I’m still young I ccan now embrace the things I ddidn’t love about myself then. Because if you feel gret inside it reflects ourside. If you don’t, there’s no plastic surgery, no clothes, nothing that can actually fix that. You’re absolutely stunning and need to focus on all the amazing things you love about yourself, you’re young and the world is really your oyster, your beauty is unique, be yourself, be different, and focus on the amazing human you are! x

    Love from London,
    Whit

    http://www.whitneyswonderland.com

  69. First of all honey, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. I don’t care what all the millions of people think, I know what I see. And know this you aren’t alone in this, but I’ve also learnt to tell myself that I’m unique. Something about me is special. So dear you are special and you have the power to be anything you want to be and much more

  70. Darling, could be as trivial as a sentence, but trust me, when I look at your pictures I really think “such a wonderful girl!” and it saddens me that you have considered as flaws points of your body that I consider perfect! Ahaha how strange people are! Often we do not like those parts that instead people like!
    I’m glad you have publicly faced your anxieties and insecurities, I think it’s good for the soul!
    xoxo

  71. hannahthemaddog says: Reply

    Happy belated birthday! I definitely have the same insecurities you have at the moment, especially with having lupus and having to go back on a high dose of prednisone after my most recently hospitalization so I am definitely going to gain a lot of weight, especially with all the food my mom and stepdad keep shoving down my throat. You are not alone in your journey. And you are gorgeous. You don’t need to be a cookie cutter fashion blogger: I love seeing different styles!

    Hannah the Mad Dog

  72. Velvet Blush says: Reply

    Happy belated birthday! Honestly, I don’t think you’re ever too ‘old’ to go for your dreams, everyone has their struggles, and sometimes things might not work out earlier because of a load of factors. Keep going, I’m sure you’ll achieve them and it’ll all work out for you in the end 🙂 Also, you have a lovely smile, you really shouldn’t be self conscious of it xx

    Velvet Blush

  73. […] big fat heartfelt thank you to everyone for leaving me with supportive comments and all the love in my post about my insecurities! I was overwhelmed by the love and understanding everyone showered me with! Reading your kind & […]

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