Friendship Day For Loners – Importance Of Being Your Own Friend
If you’re a loner like me Friendship Day can be bit… difficult or a strange day to deal with. Even though you’re content with being alone, I know such occasions can make you feel lonely, especially when you don’t have friends around. But don’t you worry homies, I got you! 🙂 These Archies & Hallmark occasions (to lure in more consumers & money), can’t bring us down! Nope not gonna let that happen to you on my watch!
Friendship Day For Loners – Importance Of Being Your Own Friend | Makeup, Styling and Editing – Ankita Bardhan
Talking of loners, I’d like to talk about loners and the stigma attached to the word “loner”. Usually when someone is called a loner, they get associated with being depressed, being socially awkward, strange social retards/emo weirdos who don’t know how to have human interactions. This how mostly loners get pictured as! BUT LET ME BREAK IT YOU AMIGOS, it’s mostly not the case! I mean yeah sure one can be loner because they lack social skills or are depressed! But there’s a whole lot of population of loners who are this way just because they prefer their own company by choice! And that’s just about it! One can be great in socializing and still be a loner! Tbh I’ve seen a great percentage of loners who fit in here.
Loners are just people who prefer being alone cos’ it’s less drama! They would rather enjoy being engrossed in their hobbies like reading, writing, sketching, playing video games, thinking, taking pictures, cooking etc. than talking to people. Loners are the one of the very individualist people you’ll ever meet! They usually don’t fit in any groups or labels, they just have their own way of looking at things. And from what I’ve mostly noticed, loners usually are talkative, have a lot of thoughts in their mind but they prefer talking only when needed & to very few people.
Ok I feel this post will turn into a speech on misconceptions about loners haha! I guess I should talk about it in another post as there’s still SO MUCH to add!
Importance Of Being Your Own Friend
This Friendship Day I want to talk to you about something important – being your own friend! Going through my blog posts you’d know I am someone who struggles badly with self-love and I’m in a process of learning to love myself. In this process I learnt two things that matter a lot when it comes to loving yourself – 1) accepting yourself the way you are, 2) being your best friend! These two are the essentials to love yourself fully, with no conditions.
Lil’ story time – so once I was having a random conversation with an elderly person. And all of a sudden she said something which hit me –
“Every one of us at some stage of life, will have to go through a situation where we’ll have no friends to talk to or around us. That is when you realize how for granted you took the bond you’ve with yourself.” And then she added, “That’s the saddest reality of our existence, there will come a time when everyone we love will leave us behind. If you’re lucky enough, you’ll leave the world before you experience that.”
Being very young and naive at that time, I didn’t get the depth of the words she said, but her words always used to make me think. Hence I still remember the words she said. And now, when I’ve took on the mission to love myself, I can fully understand how much weight her words carried.
For a long time in my life, I ran after people and seeked their approval, acceptance, love and validation. Appraisal from my friends, teachers, family, classmates, partner etc. mattered to me a lot. But it never gave me that feeling of fulfillment! I used to think I’ll feel truly happy & content when I’ll achieve the goals I’ve set for myself or the goals my loved ones set for me believing in my potential. But achieving my goals never made me feel fully happy. Why? Cos’ there will always be something or other you’d want to achieve, these targets will constantly keep changing. There’s always something new adding up to the list!
That’s when I realized running like headless chicken after one goal after another, won’t help. Setting my self-worth to my achievements or to the approval & acceptance of people that matter to me, won’t ever make me feel completely loved! That wasn’t the answer!
After a lot of desperate soul searching, reading self help articles, philosophies, reading about people’s experiences …and remembering the words of that elderly lady; I realized I’ve neglected the most important relationship in my life. My relationship with myself was the most toxic relation I’ve had! I was never nice to myself. I’d say abusive things to me which I wouldn’t even dare to say to people I hated with a passion! I was my worst critic, my biggest abuser!
Can you relate to me here? Studies have shown most of the millennials indulge in this kind behaviour. And apparently, that is why most of are never satisfied, never happy with where we are, who we are!
It’s sad and funny how we had the source of feeling content with ourselves all along but we kept looking for it everywhere else, except within ourselves. Think about it how can we feel fully content and be at peace when we ourselves don’t accept us the way we are? Yes like everyone else, we too have the good and the bad. But why can’t we accept ourselves just like we accept our friends with their good & bad parts both?! Why don’t we love ourselves unconditionally, believe in ourselves fully like we do in our friends? Are we really that unlikable & unfriendly that we can’t even be friends with ourselves? No, I don’t think so!
You Are Your Longest Relationship
Like it or not, you’re going to spend the longest time of your lives with yourself. And if you can’t be comfortable with being alone with yourself, it’s going to be a loooonngggg miserable life! No one & nothing can fix us, if we don’t fix our relationship with ourselves!
Do you remember as kids we could play by ourselves, talk to ourselves endlessly and still be happy & content? We wouldn’t need friends or anyone to be with us to have fun! And hence as kids, we were so comfortable with ourselves, enjoyed our own company, we rarely would care what others think about us. Insecurities? Never heard of her! And ALSO during our childhood we would make the purest friendships so sooo easily! That’s how much difference being your own buddy can make!
So do yourself a favor, start spending alone time with yourself. Start to enjoy, appreciate your own company. Start trying to be friends with yourself. So even if no one’s around you got yourself, a friend who’ll always be there for you!
Btw when I say be your own best friend, I don’t mean drop all your friends, if you’ve any. What I mean is to be your own friend first, before being anyone else’s. Because honestly how could expect yourself to be good at any interpersonal relationship or forming great bonds – when you can’t even bond with yourself comfortably?!
Now you must be like “ok I hear you Ankita, being your own friend is important but how do I become friends with me?” Well for that you’re gonna have to wait for another post as it’s already such a long post haha! 💀💀
P.S. – Also I’m sorry for such a long post but there’s so much to talk about on this topic, I still feel like I’ve so much more to say 💀 But I don’t wanna bore you all, so we’ll talk about it in another post soon!
Are you friends with yourself? Can you be alone by yourselves, can you eat alone or watch movies alone? Do you enjoy solitude without any distractions such as music, internet, video games, etc.?
Thank you for stopping by… Do leave your comments! I love reading them 🙂
Follow me on my Personal page, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Bloglovin’ 😉